You can stop worrying about what your boss thinks and trust yourself again.
Does anxiety about your relationship with your manager interfere with your work and daily life?
Many high achievers are extremely skilled at anticipating what their manager/leadership expects from them. We are used to being able to deliver.
But when there is a breakdown, our relationship with our manager can dominate our headspace.
We’re used to achieving, and when we’re not, our work can become all-consuming.
Perhaps…
You have a manager who doesn’t give a lot of feedback. They are matter-of-fact and distant. You wonder where you stand with them. Sometimes this is fine, and other times it's a spiral of guessing and worrying.
You spend a lot of energy trying to anticipate what your manager will need. It’s hard to ask them questions or get feedback in advance. Instead of a partnership it feels like you’re constantly preparing for a test, but you don’t even know the subject.
Or maybe your manager is generally critical of you and your work. It feels like you just can’t get it right.
Either way, you’re tired of all your energy going towards trying to fix it.
Even outside of work, you are constantly plotting. It’s hard to disconnect in your free time and do what you love.
Looking back at the start of my career, my main way of handling this anxiety was to work harder.
And then of course I’d be burned out on the weekend and would have to numb in some way in order to have a little relief.
I see this all the time with clients.
Now I can see how three factors are at play in these situations.
We end up spending a lot of energy on things that aren’t that important — being busy can soothe anxiety and help us feel like we’re doing something.
We have lost trust in ourselves. It can be so hard to know how to move forward because we start to question our judgement and ability. Our boss’ view of us starts to influence our own self perception.
We might not be in the right environment for our personality, skills, ambitions. But we’re so used to doing well at everything, that we feel like we should be able to do well here too.
Sometimes we think, “I just figure this out, then I could relax and maybe find a better job.”
In my case, I thought that my managers might be right about me and my performance, so I needed to master my current role before doing anything else.
But what’s really needed is for us to take our own side more.
We need to find our sense of personal power. Our ability to filter feedback and discern for ourselves.
When we trust ourselves, we have a clear, solid sense of our capabilities. Being clear also means that we can incorporate appropriate feedback and get the support we need when we need it.
When people regain trust in themselves, I’ve seen how they:
Suddenly find another position/manager/job that is a good fit
Or turn around relationships with managers (once they change the dynamic, the whole relationship shifts).
Either way, they discover more authentic boundaries so work takes up less mental and emotional space, leaving room for the rest of life.
They feel like themselves again. And that is a huge relief.
If you would like some support in this process, I’d love to help.
Get your bearings (single session)
During this single session we will lay the foundations for you to shift your relationship with your manager.
Illuminate the dynamics for your situation specifically. This will allow you to more clearly see what is happening and relieve the constant questions (for example, am I doing something wrong, or do they just not get it? Why can’t I get this right? etc)
Identify practices and exercises that will support your connection to yourself.
These reduced rate sessions are “walking sessions” over the phone. We both spend 45 minutes moving (I’ll be walking outside, you can do whatever that gets your heart rate up). I will follow up with some reflections from the sessions and some tailored exercises.
People tend to leave these sessions with a sense of clarity and confidence. Their new perspective allows them to relate to work with more personal authority.
Time: 45 mins
Cost: $35
Trust yourself again (series)
During this six month series of weekly sessions (24 total), we will
Unpack the dynamics in your situation. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see the patterns. I bring that, but I also bring years of experience deciphering power dynamics in the workplace. These are often hidden from us, so sometimes they can be confusing. I will help you discern what you can do differently, but with a clear-eyed awareness of the broader environment
Help you know and foster trust in yourself. What makes you, you? How do you express yourself and how do you relate to your power, especially at work? What allows you to feel safe? How might you bring more of this into your work?
Offer specific, tailored exercises to support your connection to, and expression of yourself.
Explore alternatives to your current role/manager. Also provide support for the transition so you can integrate what you’ve learned about yourself instead of just jumping into something new.
Reflect and refine based on your experiences between sessions. You can bring specific situations from work (or in other relationships in life) to sessions in order to understand, process, and find new ways of relating.
These full-rate sessions are one hour long sit down sessions via zoom. We will both be in a safe, private space, allowing you to go deeper into the process. You will learn specific skills and techniques that support your growth. In addition to listening deeply and asking questions, I will invite you to learn new tools of introspection.
These sessions are different from talk-therapy in that they teach you how to know yourself (vs. “talking through” the issue). This may feel meditative and grounding or I may invite you to energize your experience through breathing techniques.
Each session is intended to support your sense of clarity and confidence. After the six-month engagement people tend to have the skills they need to consistently come back to the center and sense of personal power, even after difficult interactions. They often find they have a completely different relationship with work/managers and are recognized for their unique contributions.
Time: 60 mins per week for 6 months
Cost: $150 per session