I help overachievers work through life decisions that can’t be sorted out with data or facts.
I do this by reconnecting them with their own sense of knowing.
Everyone around you has an opinion.
There are good points on both sides.
Your feelings are conflicted.
You might worry that changing the circumstances won’t change the underlying issue.
Something in you is struggling back and forth because this decision can’t be objective — it’s about who you are, and that doesn’t fit in a spreadsheet.
In fact, trying to figure it out by trying to be objective is just keeping you stuck, toggling between sides, making logical arguments in each direction. There is always a logical rationale for any side.
I can help you cut through the noise and reconnect to what your heart and gut already know.
When our identity shifts in some way (e.g. a change in job title, going from partnered to single, moving cities), it brings up and challenges or confirms long-held beliefs about ourselves.
For example, we’re not just thinking about moving on from a terrible boss, a part of us is having to let go of the belief that we could be successful anywhere.
We’re not just thinking about breaking up with our partner, a part of us is worried about confirming that we’re not good at commitment.
We’re not just thinking about moving to another city, a part of us is having to let go of a belief that we can’t make friends. (and yes… letting go of a negative belief about ourselves can be really painful and difficult too!)
You may have had the experience of everyone else in your life knowing what you need to do, but you still not being clear.
That’s because you can’t short-cut the process of updating your beliefs about yourself. It took time and feedback to develop those beliefs and it takes time and intention to unwind them too. The conflict we’re having over the big decision is actually important to our overall growth and we need to go through the process of unwinding.
Ultimately the process for coming to our decision is more important than the decision itself.
When we are in the middle of questions that touch those core beliefs, it is uncomfortable, sometimes to the point of being untenable (so we may even just avoid the topic!) From the inside, it can be hard to tell whats intuition and what’s anxiety. Our inner critic/inner doubter is loud. And they really sound like they know what they are talking about and are “more realistic”.
And yet… Your heart already knows the right direction for you.
The hard part is getting enough space to be able to hear it. So what can you do?
Learn how to access your inner wisdom and knowing. It might sound vague, but that’s only because we haven’t been taught how to do this. There are specific things you can do that will allow you to know what’s right for you without question.
Externalize the conversation. With a friend, with a coach, with anyone who can listen well and doesn’t have an agenda for what you do. Sometimes even as you are describing the situation, the words that have been on loop in your head won’t feel right in your mouth. That’s the start of a shift in those beliefs.
Get to know the parts of you that have an opinion about the situation. This is a bigger topic than fits a bullet but know that you can think of the different inner perspectives you hold as “parts of you”, different characters with different perspectives, wants and needs.
Learn who your inner critic is and practice distancing yourself from them. When that negative message about yourself starts up, don’t keep playing that tape. Find a more generous interpretation, stand up to that voice. This is one of the biggest factors getting in the way of your clarity on the situation.
Tend to the parts you usually can’t listen to without criticism. Make a point to give them space, protect them from criticism and get to know them.
Find strategies that calm your nervous system. Giving yourself space to feel safe is really important to be able to hear your heart.
Learn what it means to listen to your body. This is skill you can build. Your body is fine tuned to guide you to growth and development, the same as a seed is fine tuned to grow into a plant. Deep down we intuitively know to “listen to our gut” or “follow our heart.” But most of us have been trained to override those signals.
Each of these points works in tandem with the others.
And each is a skill that can be learned, and we all should have been taught. But most of us weren’t. That’s where I can help.
If you would like some support in this process, I’d love to help.
Walk-it-Out Session
My low-fee option!
We will talk on the phone while we’re both walking/moving. I’ll be strolling around my neighborhood (which is bursting with spring at the moment), and you can be anywhere that you can get your heart pumping. Sometimes literally moving is an important ingredient when we’re figuratively stuck. You bring a big question and we will work on it for the entire time. I will be listening deeply, asking questions and inviting you into looking at your situation from new angles. These sessions are intended to leave you energized with a new perspective.
Time: 45 mins
Cost: $35
In-depth Coaching Session
We will meet over zoom, with both of us in a safe, private space, allowing us to go deeper into the process. In these sessions you’ll practice the steps above. In addition to listening deeply and asking questions, I will invite you into more discerning types of introspection. This may feel meditative and grounding or I may invite you to energize your experience through breathing techniques. We will work together to tailor the right experience for you. These practices often will yield insight and clarity and give you a fresh sense of direction.
Time: 60 mins
Cost: $150
“I resonated with the framework immensely. It felt like all the messy convos I had with myself in the past 30+ years suddenly found a structure, and more importantly a reason.
This helps me start my journey to start listening more attentively to [myself] and build that trust and grounding. It also made me more conscious of the next couple of years are critical for me to work with my 5.5 year old.”
— Helen
“Originally, I thought working with a "coach" meant someone helping me identify and organize goals. I held back from reaching out because I was afraid to confront difficult feelings and past emotions.
It felt too overwhelming feeling deep emotions, and actually talking about it with another person caused extreme anxiety/made me feel very unsafe/uncomfortable.
I finally reached out when I had reached an all-time-low and was willing to try anything and everything to feel "normal."
The most positive outcomes I've experienced is actually being able to identify and hold space for my feelings now. I feel a better sense of self and hopefulness that I'm "exactly where I need to be." I'm able to better express and understand myself. I'm also able to feel more deeply without feeling helpless or confused.
I no longer feel constant resentment, shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness. I am happy with myself and am excited the future and to continue growing. I can finally find comfort in strength in myself.
I think it's very difficult but also extremely rewarding. I'm glad it's more emotion-based than I originally thought. I look forward to each session. I feel and see the improvement in myself, and I also understand it's an on-going non-linear process. Having Cara really helps me navigate through the difficult/confusing emotions.”
— Jessa L.
“Cara helped me develop a greater sense of self awareness of my emotional state, particularly "in the moment"
…that helped me channel/address my emotional state in a more proactive way. (vs stewing on it, unaware of the source or how to process)..”
— Tim H.
“Moving to a new city and establishing my roots brought up a lot of conscious and unconscious reflections from my childhood. Cara's coaching helped me to unlock some of the roles that I had felt shame and blame around. She compassionately coached me to take a step back and put words and understanding to a lot of the anxious and judgmental feelings I was experiencing.”